Lost

I find myself once again lost and without patience.I can't talk to a friend and I can't talk to my girl nor can I talk to any of my parents, because truthfully, I wouldn't know where to begin and how could they even help me.I am not old nor am I extremely young, I'm just at an age where society shows me that by now I should know what I want to do, an age where I am already on my path, and yet I see no road in front of me, no directions and I am certainly losing hope. In the past years I have had a few glimpses of what I could be, though that faded away quickly when I looked at people around me and saw that they were at a further milestone in their life whilst I haven't even reached the first one, whatever that would be.Honestly, I'm still waiting and maybe hoping that something great or awesome, unique even, will happen to me and I truly want to happen as fast as possible, because as I was saying I am losing my patience and I may shutdown soon, lose all hope and all those around me.Also it is so bothering and frustrating when people give you advice but no solution. They think of their life of their chances and think their experience apply to your life.They could just help you out, give a start in life, but no, they just run their mouths thinking they are extremely intelligent because luck got them where they are.

Surpassed in madness

To write in my native language or to write in English, well since I started in English, I guess I already made my choice.Haven't written my thoughts about anything in a long time, however it's late now, about 2 A.M. and decided it would be a good time to write something. A lot has happened lately and don't really know what to make of it.I've talked about him in a poem of mine and how he was/is always the first to everything since he is the first born, he has managed to do what I always wanted, but was too afraid of the consequences.No need to go into details and what he did and what I didn't , not most of them were good things and yet he was never considered a bad person, and I didn't do those bad things, always tried to keep a straight line, tried to please everyone and yet I managed to upset a bunch of people.I guess, that, he was surrounded by people who were more understanding, either that or closed their eyes hoping it will all get better for him, while in my corner, everytime I went the wrong way someone was there to let me know or to force more likey to go back to  the correct path(whatever that was).He managed to surpass me in insanity as well, I thought that at least I had my insanity, no one could take that away from me.I thought that only I talk to myself, that only I cry when no one is looking, still while I was doing these things, he was gathering everything in a very small cauldron, broken hopes, they went in, failed plans, in they go, and as years passed by, friends betrayed him, his little world came crumbling down when he realized he is not what he thought he was, when those around him started to pressure him in getting his life on track, and quit his dreams and hopes and embrace mediocrity,the cauldron cracked.The person I thought to be so strong, the person I thought to be a risk taker and a very lucky man, THE PERSON I THOUGHT somehow will manage to get rich even though education was an issue for him, he was educated in other things like life, or so he thought.I guess he thought that being schooled on the streets will take him far, he will manage to find that small oportunity that will make him struck oil sort of speak.I know this may not make much sense to anyone who comes upon this text, these words, I mean c'mon this text is basically 2-3 very long sentences, but you can't really put a period after every thought since they are all connected.It angers me that he surpased me in madness, and maybe it shouldn't because I've seen how his world crumbled down, how those around him went down with him, and do I really wish that on those around me as well? I guess not, though more than once I made clear my intentions of going crazy while he didn't, no one would suspect that from him, and I guess everyone thought I would screw up.Well I figure it's true what it is said, that the silent types are those who are more likely to crack, those who say they do, don't, and those who don't say, DO.We'll talk more when time will allow and when I will need to vent. Till than, life still sucks, haven't found a way to make it more pleasent, I keep complaining and I keep struggling, more than others and less than others.